


Vows of Love

by Sev1970 (mk_malfoy)



Series: When Love Calls Series [4]
Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-07
Updated: 2007-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:57:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Sev1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'A Timeless Love.'  Extremely angsty</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vows of Love

**Title**: Vows of Love  
**Author**: Sev1970/MK Malfoy  
**Pairing**: SS/HP  
**Rating**: PG  
**Date Written**: June 07-10, 2007  
**Summary**: Sequel to 'A Timeless Love.' Harry has to deal with a Severus who can't remember, and it isn't so easy. Read the warnings!  
**Warnings**: Lots of angst, and I am serious about this. It might be a difficult fic for anyone to read who has gone through the experience of caring for a loved one who has Alzheimer's disease.  
**Words**: 3,637  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing HP -- that would be JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and any other entities involved.  
**A/N**: I got the idea to write this when I was sitting in the hospital room with my grandmother. who has Alzheimer's disease. It's not an easy fic to read, but I do think it is important.  
**A/N II**: Thanks so much to my wonderful beta/editor, Maggie. I wish I could give her something light and happy to beta for a change!

**~*~**

_"_Harry, will you please get me the— the er—a glass of water?_"_

"Yeah, sure, Severus."

How could it be that such a simple request could set Harry off? It's just that he had thought perhaps…well, it didn't really matter, did it? Severus was thirsty and he needed some water. Standing, a visibly shaken Harry walked to the kitchen, opened the cupboard door, and found a clean glass. As he filled it, he looked out the window and marveled at how fresh everything normally looked at this time of year. Spring had always been his favorite time of year. Watching as the blooms appeared on the plants and hearing the return of the birds always brought a smile to his face.

Harry loved new beginnings.

For years, he and Severus had kept a garden, and they had meticulously cultivated it. Seeing the fruits of their labour had always been such a joy, and its flowers and vegetation had brightened the small yard and house with their fragrances and homegrown flavours for over four decades.

The garden now grew weeds. The yard was bare. Their house was becoming emptier each day. No matter the state of things within the little house that Severus and Harry called theirs, life around them didn't cease to exist, however, and the sounds and sights outdoors were proof enough of that.

Sighing, green eyes blinked away the threatening tears as Harry forced himself to look away from the window. Reminiscing was never a good thing: living in the here and now was what Harry needed to do. Anything else was too upsetting.

It was all so clinical these days. Once upon a time, Harry and Severus's world had been filled with sounds of love and laughter, with images of two people very much in love. Yes, their advanced age had slowed them many years ago, but it hadn't halted them from enjoying each other. The years had strengthened the love he and Severus shared, and now the absence of the daily affirmation he had always received, was becoming too much for him. Why Severus? He hadn't deserved this.

Harry closed his eyes against the memories.

_"Mr Snape, I know you wish me to get straight to the point, so I shall. You are in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. Your tests leave little doubt as to this. I am so very sorry...."_

Albus had been the one who had sat with Severus that evening, trying to make the horrible news somewhat bearable. Harry never had been told what the wizened former Headmaster had said to Severus, but he had no doubt that whatever had been said had been taken to heart. Harry had done little more than cry, but it had felt good to have a shoulder to cry on. He had never had a father or grandfather to hold him or comfort him, but Dumbledore had been both for Harry that night, and had told him he was never going to be alone.

Harry missed Albus more each day because now he was alone. Of course that was untrue, but the two people who were responsible for him being where he was today were either dead or slowly dying. It just wasn't fair.

Leaving the kitchen, Harry ran his right hand through his hair and composed his expression as he readied himself to reenter the sitting room. It would never do to be caught being emotional, and even though Severus was unaware of so much these days, he always seemed to know when Harry had been crying, and it was always such a feat trying to explain why. Harry couldn't very well tell Severus that he was crying because the man he loved was losing his memories and no longer knew his husband.

Approaching the sofa, Harry sat down and faced his frail-looking husband as he handed him the glass of water. After Severus finished drinking what he wanted, Harry set the glass down and took the two pale bony hands in his. He needed to feel Severus, even if it was only the touch of his hands. He needed to remember. He wished he could remember for the both of them. Then he turned his head and watched as he saw a blur run through the passage, and the laugh that escaped him was genuine. Few things could elicit such a sound these days.

"Our granddaughter is going to be a Slytherin, Severus. You've been a bad influence on Lily, you have," Harry said, cheekily. Wishing for the same rebuke he would have received not so many years earlier.

"I have what?"

Harry frowned at the perplexed look that slowly crept across Severus's face – it was so unfair. Where once there had been hatred, there was nothing; where once there had been compassion, there was nothing; and where once there had been love, there was nothing. As Harry stared into the two empty black eyes, he forced himself to smile. It wasn't Severus's fault that he couldn't remember – that would be the fault of the curses and potions, and oh yes, that bloody disease called Alzheimer's.

"You have me." Leaning over, Harry placed a kiss on Severus's forehead then backed away so Severus could see him. There was nothing there – no recognition – and it about killed Harry. They had been together so long and had experienced more than their fair share of both good and bad. The bad was at the forefront now, although Harry reminded himself daily that there was good in this as well. For the majority of their time together, it had been Severus who had been the caregiver, the one who had taken charge, and the one who had made certain Harry had everything he needed. Now it was Harry's turn to return the favour, and as upsetting as it was to lose a bit more of his Severus each day, he knew there was something still there, and even if Severus never told Harry he loved him again, there was no doubt he did. There was that look that appeared every once in a while when they were alone, the look that said Severus recognised there was a difference between everyone else and Harry. It was enough. It would have to be enough.

Harry looked up as Lily came running through the room waving, wearing Severus's old school robes. Their granddaughter reminded Harry so much of how his and Severus's son had been around the time he was about to enter Hogwarts, and he wished Severus could fully enjoy Lily as he would want to. "She is so like you, Severus. Remus says she's already beginning to make some of the easier potions in her _Introduction to Potions_ book. I do think we'll have another Potions master in the family. I think she'll make a wonderful teacher someday if she chooses to follow in your footsteps."

"What is a Potions master?" Severus asked, as if he were asking the answer to a difficult equation he had been working on for days.

It was always interesting for Harry to see what would set him off, and most of the time it was questions such as this. It was so hard accepting that the man Harry had married was almost gone. Some days, though, today being one of them, his reaction was one of understanding and resigned acceptance.

"You are a Potions master, Severus." It was not the answer Severus Snape wanted or needed, but as each day taught Harry, the simpler the explanation, the less probable the questions would become repetitious. Harry hated himself for not wanting to explain everything as Severus needed him to, but it was so very exhausting, and some days were worse than others. This was one of those days.

"Foolish boy. That is not what a Potions master is. I am a man, yes?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you tell me untruths then?"

As Harry was forming a response, Lily stopped in the doorway. Harry watched the young witch wipe away a tear. "Come here, love." His granddaughter was soon sitting beside him looking over at her grandfather, who had begun chanting something about stirring clockwise.

"He doesn't know who I am."

"Yes, he does, Lily. In his heart he knows. He goes away and we don't know where he goes, but you must always remember that in his heart you are his Lily and he loves you so very much."

Lily leaned against her granddad and wiped her eyes. "I miss him. Is he going to come back?"

"I don't think so, love. He's sick."

"Is he gonna die? Daddy won't tell me."

Harry glanced over at the man whose heart held his, and shook his head as he fought off the tears. "We're all going die someday, love. Yes, it is likely your grandfather's time is coming sooner than we'd like." Harry squeezed the little hand within his and tried to look sympathetically at her. "I'm sorry, sweetie."

"You're not going to die, are you?"

"I don't plan on it anytime soon."

"Good."

**~*~**

_"You want us to do an Unbreakable Vow, yes?"_

_"I do, Harry. You know very well what the future holds for me. It is not what I want for myself or for you, Harry. I need to know that when I ask, you will do what I wish."_

_"Please don't ask me to do this, Severus. I will do just about anything else, but _ _I can't… not this_ _."_

_"Good Merlin, Harry, I am bloody dying inside. My mind is deteriorating, and every day I am slipping further away from you. In a few years, I will be the equivalent to a baby. You will have to do everything for me. I do not wish for that to happen. I want to die on my terms. Please, Harry, do this for me…"_

"How is Severus doing, Harry?"

Harry turned his gaze away from the window and cleared his throat as he took the chocolate frog Ron offered him, opened it, and took a bite before looking at the card: Mad-Eye, his third. Looking over and seeing that Ron had got Sirius, Harry reached over and took it, running his hand over his godfather's picture before looking up at Ron. "He's not so good. Sometimes he seems so normal and if I close my eyes, I can almost believe he is just as he was a few years ago, but then I open my eyes and see him looking at me with that lost look, or I hear him asking questions he shouldn't have to ask, and then I know. I know I'm losing him."

"So I guess those pictures Hermione brought over didn't help?"

"No. There was one of Lucius that did elicit a slight response, but that was it. I miss him so much, Ron. I just want him back for one day. I just want him to hold me and tell me that he loves me."

"Yeah. It's rotten luck that Snape would end up losing his memory. He'd hate knowing how helpless he is."

Harry turned his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "Yeah."

A few moments later, Severus walked in and looked at Ron. "Mr Weasley, why are you eating Harry's Chocolate Frogs?"

Ron looked at Harry, his mouth wide open.

"It's okay, Severus, I gave him permission to eat one." Harry smiled and nodded letting Severus know it was okay.

Severus looked in between Harry and Ron and raised a brow, so very reminiscent of days gone by. "As long as it is alright with you." Then he walked out of the room.

"Whoa, Harry, he remembered my name, and yours, mate."

The smile wavered as Harry stared at the door Severus had just walked through. "Yeah, he does that sometimes, but the next time I see him, he won't know me." These brief glimmers of hope had once brightened Harry's day and filled him with optimism, but now they only upset him because it was a glimpse of what was no longer there and what would never be again.

**~*~**

"He fell and has been taken to St Mungo's. I'll see you there." Harry stepped away from the fireplace and sat in his chair. Looking over at the other chair, Harry was filled with overwhelming loss. Severus's chair was empty, had been empty for a long time. Harry ran his hand over it lovingly and let the past take hold of his mind.

The next thing he was aware of, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and that was all it took for Harry to allow the tears to fall. He had been so strong, but he could only take so much, and now he was willing to let his son Remus be the strong one.

"Come on, Dad, I'll take you to hospital."

Harry allowed himself to be led outdoors, and within a few seconds, the two had Apparated to just outside the old-looking store front. Then within a few more seconds, he was in a room staring at his husband, who looked dead. Harry collapsed as he stood in the doorway. It was too much, and he wasn't ready for this. He would never be ready for this.

**~*~**

Harry sat beside the bed caressing the pale hand enclosed in his as he stared into the blank eyes of the man whom he had loved for over fifty-seven years. The tears were there threatening to fall, but Harry valiantly fought them off, trying to hold himself together.

"Dad, you should go get some rest. I don't want to lose you, too. It's hard enough watching Father go through this. Alice and I will call you if there is any change."

Looking up, Harry shook his head and then returned his gaze to Severus, caressing a cheek and trying to smile. "I won't leave him. I promised him I'd never leave him, Remus." Harry then pushed away some fringe from Severus's face, and when the blank eyes turned towards him, Harry smiled. "Hi, Severus. Can I have a kiss?" When the lips puckered, it was bittersweet, but Harry leaned over and kissed them. It was so pure and sweet, and far too short.

This was all they had left. It was all gone: all of their years together were now only memories for Harry, and they were not even present for Severus. Or perhaps they were, but they couldn't get out.

Almost as soon as Harry lifted his head, Severus began speaking, but he was't talking to anyone, and he wasn't saying anything that made sense. It was the worst when he was like this, and the tears that Harry held in at most other times always found their way out when the chanting began.

Sometimes Severus spoke softly, and at other times, he worked himself up and spoke loudly. Harry would inevitably place his hands on Severus's face and look into his eyes, saying, "Severus, look into my eyes and calm down. It's okay." It really wasn't okay at all, but what else was Harry going to say?

Severus Snape, once a proud and extremely able person, now spent his time sleeping, staring straight ahead, or chanting, and he recognised no one, at least that was how it appeared outwardly. Harry fervently hoped his husband did have some way of knowing him in his mind.

Remus walked up and stood by his dad. "Dad, please let Draco take you home with him. You need rest."

Yes, Harry did need rest, but he needed Severus more. "I can't leave him, Remus."

"Dad, please. I promise you I'll call if anything happens. You need to take care of yourself."

Harry knew he would eventually give in for the sake of his own health, but for the moment he ignored Remus. Turning Severus's face towards him, Harry smiled. "Are you hungry, Severus?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I am, are you?"

"Yes, I am hungry, are you?"

Harry looked over his shoulder, a tear about to fall. "They brought the food earlier. I think he'll eat the baked chicken. Make sure he gets enough: his blood sugar has been low."

"I'll make sure Father eats, Dad, even if we have to sneak in some other food."

Harry leaned over and kissed Severus. "I love you, Severus. I'll be back soon, okay?"

"You promise you'll be back?"

"I promise."

**~*~**

Severus sat in the wheelchair staring out the window. Harry had watched the physical therapists working with Severus earlier, and watching the slow process of getting Severus to walk had been such a difficult thing to observe. What had come so easy not so many years ago now took every bit of strength Severus Snape had. Each small step had been a major accomplishment, but Harry couldn't help but see each step as a step away from him. They were helping him to walk, but he had nowhere to walk to. His future was going to be full of nothing: It wasn't a future Harry wanted for Severus, but what choice did he have?

There was nothing he could do… well there was, but it was likely he wouldn't have to do it because Severus was far too gone by this time to ask. In a way, Harry was relieved because he didn't think he would be able to do such a thing, but then another part of him secretly wished Severus would ask him to do it, because then he wouldn't have a choice, and his husband whom he loved more than life itself wouldn't have to continue going through this hell.

Walking up to Severus, Harry leaned over and wrapped his arms around the small shoulders and placed a kiss on Severus's lips. "I love you, Severus Snape."

"I love you, too."

**~*~**

Harry stood at the back of the room and watched as Remus fed his father. It was such a loving scene, but it was also such a sad thing to witness. Images of Remus as an infant began playing through Harry's mind: Severus rocking the tiny blond to sleep, Severus changing their son's nappies, Severus humming as he rocked their little angel to sleep, Severus feeding him...

That is what a father does for his child. It seemed wrong that the roles were now reversed.

Remus was chatting his father up just as if they were having a normal conversation, and it made Harry smile. He and Severus had raised such a wonderful person, and Harry knew Lucius and Narcissa would be proud. So would Draco. Harry thanked Merlin each day that Remus had been placed in their life. He had brought them such joy: joy that only a child could bring. Severus had been affected the most by the addition of a baby in their lives, and watching the once austere man letting his guard down for his infant son had been among the sweetest moments of Harry's life.

And then there was Draco and Lily, who had completely captured his and Severus's hearts from the day they had come home. Remus and Alice were wonderful parents and had made sure their children grew up near their grandparents. Harry loved his grandchildren more than anything, and they were the ones who would help him get through this.

Draco was such a help and had become quite the young gentleman. He was quiet and studious, but he was fiercely protective of those he loved. It had been he who had stayed with Harry during the summer holidays before leaving Hogwarts and entering Auror training. Draco had been such a help with Severus during those first difficult years when Alzheimer's was trying to claim his grandfather.

Then there was Lily: she was everything good, and she was going to be top of her year at Hogwarts – that was a fact Harry had no doubt about. She was every bit as haughty as her Uncle Draco had been, but she was also every bit as sincere and loyal as Harry had been and still was. She also had a thirst for knowledge that Severus had instilled in her. She spent many a day at her Aunt Hermione's, testing potions and being taught simple charms.

"Dad?"

Harry looked up, a bit startled about being jarred from his thoughts, and smiled when he saw Remus looking at him. "Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, son."

**~*~**

Harry sat beside Severus and searched his eyes, looking for his Severus, but he couldn't find him. Yes, that familiar face was staring at him, and those loving hands were grasping his, but that look that had always made Harry smile was missing, and that feeling that had lived within him was also gone. It scared Harry. He had lost Severus.

He loved this man and wanted to make it okay. He wanted so badly to do something to ease Severus's pain, but he couldn't. What Harry needed to hear was locked inside his husband. His husband could end this, and he wasn't even aware of that fact anymore. Harry often pleaded with Severus to ask him, but he never did, and he never would.

Whether it was one day or ten more years, Harry would love Severus and he would cherish the memories for both of them. He would kiss him each night and each morning and imagine that he was being kissed back. He would hold Severus as they fell asleep, and he would thank Merlin for giving him someone such as Severus to love.

Alzheimer's disease was horrible and it was repulsive and it was despicable, but Harry would live this life a thousand times over because it was part of Severus Snape's life, and Harry loved that life.

**~*~**

The End


End file.
